U is for Underneath

I often think of myself like an iceberg. No, not because I'm cold but because only about 10% of what I'm thinking and feeling are actually shown to the world.

I do a fair job of making people assume that they know all there is to know about me. I'm open and will answer almost any question asked, with frankness and honesty. But, therein lies the rub... you actually have to ask. I don't often just share (this blog is somewhat of an exception). I'm curious and like to ask others questions and it's been a great diversionary tactic when I'm not up to talking about me. Plus, I find that I sometimes ask questions in an attempt to get to know someone, but also in the hope that they'll ask me questions back. That they actually want to know me, too.

I'm extroverted and like to organize group events. I give the appearance of being totally strong and capable and well, in control. I smile as a genuine indication of my emotions... but also as a defense. And, sometimes it's probably difficult to know the difference. I've lately been recognizing that if I weren't the initiator, I'd never see 98% of the people in my "life." I have people in my life that I consider "good friends" who have never once asked me to go to dinner or a movie. I make most of the attempt to stay connected... and I find that lately I'm tired and hurt by it. It's not really their fault. I probably set this situation up as part of my personality. And, yes, ordinarily, I don't mind so much - it's part of my nature and I'm good it. Yes, I can ask for help and do. I learned how to do that a long time ago... but sometimes, it simply nice when someone else notices that you're at the end of your rope. Sometimes... I wish others would stop and look underneath the surface... or simply just ask "hey, how are you doing?"