Saturday, June 30, 2012

Kissing Frogs

I won't go so far as to say that all frogs are princes because that certainly wouldn't be the case. But, barring a serious case of narcissism, sociopathy/psychopathy or a ginormous dose of cluelessness, I think that many frogs could be royalty, if kissed by the right person.

Let me 'splain... I think that the divorce rate is so high because most people "love the one they're with" or make decisions based on fear of being alone rather than finding the one they want to say "yes" to. I think that if more people waited, well, I'm not saying the relationship wouldn't end... but perhaps the experience would be worth the journey. I think we expect too little; we undervalue ourselves... we replay those dysfunctional tapes that our parents programed and repeat their patterns... and then sadly, we pass those patterns along to our children. I believe we should begin as we intend to continue and that we teach people how to treat us. If we accept or allow someone to treat us poorly early on, then we've given them permission to treat us poorly in the future.

However, I'm asking for something different. I'm asking for something amazing. My amazing will look different from your amazing... and that's totally okay. As long as I think my situation is mostly (no one is perfect) a wonderful fit for me, well then, I've won the lottery. And well, while I'm at it, we all have baggage so if we can look at each others' baggage and think, "yup, that's a load I can and am willing to help carry" well, perhaps we have some place to start. I think that each relationship is different and that we must create a different dynamic with that individual from the one that we'd created with another... because people are different... needs are different and the chemistry created is different.

I had a second date with a guy today who was perfectly nice and attractive, etc., etc. I had a great, very intelligent, real conversation with him the two times we went out. BUT... and it's a big but... I didn't feel that spark. I didn't feel that little thing inside that makes me want to board the train and see where it takes me. I suspected the lack of chemistry on the first date but I've been told many, many times that I'm too picky and that I don't give people enough of a chance. Perhaps... but I've seen the men that they date and opted to be a little more picky... then to pick men like they had. I've experienced a dynamic that allowed me to feel as though the foundation and chemistry created would allow me to reach for the stars. I'd realized that with the "right" person, I am frickin' fabulous at relationships. I am all I want to be: open, honest, giving, a partner... and so on. I want that again. But I want amazing. I frickin' deserve something awesomely amazing! And so, when this very nice man stated that he really liked me and wanted to spend more time with me, I kindly told him that I wasn't experiencing the same thing. I felt it better... and ultimately kinder... to end it early. You see, I would much rather be told early on that "he's just not that into me" than to build up hopes and dreams... only to be crushed like a bug later.

For those reading my blog regularly, you know that I've had a tough breakup and perhaps it's too soon to start dating... but then again, perhaps it isn't. I have always trusted my intuition. Upon rare occasions its led me down paths that I didn't expect and to places that I'd perhaps rather not gone... but in all cases, I came out stronger, wiser and with a greater sense of self-worth. I haven't wanted to say "yes!" often but when I have, it turned into an invaluable experience.

And because I'm worth it... I'll keep kissing frogs, hoping that one day... I'll turn into a prince.


  1. Saw your blog link on GR. Following you via GFC. My blog is at:

    My husband and I will be celebrating our 21st anniversary this December. I think that it's important to have that spark in the beginning. I also can say that even though it's work, that spark will still be there in 20+ years if two mature adults try to keep the romance alive. It's different after 20 years, but it's still there. I mean when we first started dating, romance was more flowers and eating out kind of stuff. Now it's my husband coming home from work after I've been stuck with the kids all day and doing the dishes and cooking dinner. Without being asked. I guess romance is really about thinking about the other person's needs- whatever they are at that moment.

    1. I love that you've been able to redefine what romance and spark mean and that you've been able to keep it alive. You give me hope!!

  2. I'm proud of you for being true to yourself. You are pretty darn amazing, and you definitely deserve someone who lives up to that.

  3. Hi,
    Your right to want the spark!
    Like everybody, I grew up with fairy tales about finding a Prince Charming with his White horse and my life as a Princess will be perfect and with an Happy ending.
    But maybe it was the digicode to enter my building, to hard to find, or the difficulty of putting an horse in an elevator but I've kissed a lot of frogs too before finding the famous spark.

    I was about to stop looking when I was amazed to find somebody the complete opposite of my dream guy. But after the first date, the first conversation, to be honest, it was like in a movie but without the cheesy music...

    And even if I don't receive flowers every days, (A good thing because I'm allergic) the best thing is someone to care about you by remembering small details. For example, my prince doesn't say "I love YOUUUUUUUUU" often but he never forgets to bring my favorite flavor of yagourt or my favorite chocolat brand while shopping. He's here whenever I need him the most and I hope he can say the same thing about me.

    Eveybody has different expectation about Love and The One but if it's not so difficult to find somebody...It's a lot more work to keep a awsome relationship years after years. Keep dating without pressure and keep an open mind... Mr Right will fall of the sky when you don't expect him the most!

    One of your new follower,

  4. It's funny you say that the person you ended up with is not at all what you'd expected. The men that I've felt a connection to were no where near what I THOUGHT I'd choose. Turns out the vision of what I'd had in my head as someone I "should" be with tend to bore and annoy me.

    I love that you recognize that it can take work to keep a relationship going. I think it takes a willingness by BOTH parties to want to SEE the other and not allow things to get filter that.

    I don't think that women are the only ones with the "Fairy Tale Complex." I've recently realized that there are a slew of men out there that define drama as passion and that have a healthy rescue complex. I hope to one day find someone that I can meet as an equal partner and to know that we balance each other... without the need for drama or to be rescued. I'm not interested in either of those games.

    But, I also recognize that for many men out there, I'm just another frog they need to kiss.