Friday, April 20, 2012

R is for Release

Release! (Said almost with the same intensity as you would say it to a rabid dog who has its jaws sunken into someone's leg.)

I have recently had a great epiphany. Ready for it?? I am wickedly stubborn. I know!! Shocker!! I can see all of my friends that are looking on with a "duh!" look on their faces.

But really, for as self-aware as I consider myself, I have never considered myself stubborn (or competitive, but that's a whole other blog post). Until recently. I've noticed that I have a really hard time letting something go. I am stubborn, stubborn when it comes to deviating from a plan or path that I had been on. It's like moving giant boulders. I'm not talking about old childhood wounds or some such thing, I'm talking about a general thought or idea that implants itself into my brain and absolutely refuses to budge. Lately I feel like I will fight to the death for a losing battle... and I KNOW it's a losing battle. (sheesh)

I've been pondering the idea of "letting go" lately; which the opposite translates to stubbornness for me. It's sort of along the same lines as "let go, let God" or "just breathe." But, apparently those gentle messages don't get through my thick, stubborn skull and now my new word is "release!" The intensity of that feels much more aligned with the intensity in which I'm holding onto whatever it is I'm holding onto. It's my "gentle" reminder to surrender and know that I don't need to control everything; that it's okay to let a process proceed to it's conclusion without my intervention. In fact, my intervention may be exactly the wrong thing to do. Perhaps if I can't get the "release" message soon, I'll have to get a clicker and treats or a pinch collar. That just might do the trick.

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