Although the official start of my project is March 1st, I felt the urge to do some things today. March is "Create Energy" and part of that is to clean out the clutter in my life. So... I thought I'd start there.
For a while now I've felt stuck in my space - unable to let go and move forward. Someone I care about lived with me for a few months and when he left, I have had the hardest time reclaiming my apartment, especially my bedroom. I've held on to his energy here because I enjoyed his company and how his presence filled up the apartment. Since he left, I've spent a lot of time sleeping on my couch (which is a futon). I fall asleep to the tv because it keeps me company, but I also don't think that I get the best sleep (another small piece to my March Project). My apartment has been a mess. I simply haven't cared enough for me... of me... to do anything about it. My space has always represented my state of mind; when my world is going well, everything is organized and in its place. When things aren't going so well, my place reflects that. Initially I think it was due to the fact that I didn't want to have to deal with spreading out and filling my closets and such with all of my stuff; I didn't want to acknowledge that he wasn't here, but mostly... I simply didn't want to deal with it.
It's created a block for me, however. I love to entertain. I love to have friends over. I love having an organized place. Prior to S getting his own place, I had loved my apartment. I loved the energy that I had created here. I need to reclaim that feeling. I need to remember that I am complete already and that this hollow feeling will go away... and that my apartment doesn't need to reflect those emotions. I need to make it my sanctuary again, instead of the place I HAVE to spend time because I've no where else to go.
So, today was the day that I began to reclaim my space. I thought at first that I'd start with my bedroom but I just couldn't quite go there today. I rearranged my living room instead. It's now completely different from how it was. It feels more open... but less intimate... less cozy. But, I still have some work to do and perhaps that will change as I get further organized and uncluttered through the month. I definitely have room to exercise, though!
Tomorrow morning I'll tackle my bedroom. I bought some new, bright, "happy" sheets (orange!) and some wonderful new memory foam pillows. I might pick up a new tv, for my bedroom, and I'll eventually purchase a simple dresser. I'm going to create a menu for the coming week (Happiness Project: make friends with food and eat a meal I prepare 18 of 21 meals a week) so that I can go grocery shopping on Monday after work.
Whew... It's going to be okay. I'm going to be okay. I repeat that over and over... daily, hourly.
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