Monday, January 23, 2012

Crawl Into My Mind

I haven't fully decided what I'm going to say here but have been feeling the urge lately to create a place where I can unleash the randomness that lives in my head. Although I'd love to say that I'll write daily, I'm simply not sure that's feasible. So, I'm open to seeing where the journey takes me and what ends up being expressed. 

I'm currently finishing The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin, which has completely inspired me to start my own project. My goal is to begin in March. Although I've been on an amazing journey over the last year and celebrating the simple moments has been a priority, this book has gotten me jazzed about really digging in and exploring all the ways that I can create, recognize and pass along joy. For so long I've allowed myself to say "next year" or "perhaps some day" and I want to stop doing that. I long to live more in the now.

I know I want a place where I can start expressing more gratitude and celebrating the amazing-ness of my ordinary life. I'd really like to put in writing that which I'm grateful for; not only as a log but also as a moment of meditation and opportunity to really sit with that feeling. 

Although I really want to focus, much of the time, on the positive, I am struggling with a recent heartache that has triggered a few childhood wounds. So I imagine that a bit of that will be touched upon here as I explore those darker depths that continue to haunt me; despite years of therapy, self-awareness and much work on self actualization.

I want to use this space as a place where I can post some of the poetry that I've yet to write. I find myself moved by words and I know that I'll be sharing those that inspire and challenge me. I enjoy photography so you can expect numerous photos. Seeing as I'm an avid biblioholic, you will definitely hear my thoughts about what I'm currently reading. As I move along this journey of continued self-discovery, I hope you'll see a bit of me in you. I hope that my experiences inspire and move you to do things you'd never thought to do and explore depths that were previously too dark and too scary.

Crawl Into My Mind
Through brightly colored strings.
Trip over the blue one and discover
That rush of freedom found on a swing;
Flying so high toes touch the pinkest clouds.
Careful to tug gently on the red one over there.
It unleashes decades old anger
And is liable to incinerate an unwary visitor.
And then there’s the orange one
That opens the door
To sweet first love delicately wrapped in gauze.
Passionate and intense,
It remembers the odes to my earlobes;
Blues songs created in my name.
And turning to see you standing there
Just as I was talking about the mere
Dimple that lights up your smile.

Twisted turning bolt holes of creativity.
This one leads
To improvising a slip of paper into a butterfly.
Over there
I’m lying pressed to the floor, struggling
To achieve the desperation of St. Joan.
Or peek into that hole
I’m auditioning at NYU;
Awaiting with eager anticipation the
Acceptance that arrived that cold May.
That hole there
May take you into dark, lustful stories
And scenes of romance yet unwritten.
Watch that one
You may end up glued to cardstock
And given away on someone’s birthday

Bumble bee ideas speed faster than a jet,
Darting and touching the petals of dreams,
Some unfilled and others discarded.
Always debating the need to land here
Versus the desire to sample over there.
Regretting the inability to experience
The entire meadow at once.

The trapdoors and false exits,
For you may become irreversibly lost
Wandering indefinitely amongst
The mushy gray matter and
Electric currents flowing over
Myelin sheaths.

But don’t be nervous.
It’s only if you dare.
The challenge is made to the brave and
So come crawl inside or
Simply pull up that chair.

 *This poem was inspired by a poetry book entitled “Crawl Into My Mind.” Each author in the collection was tasked with creating a poem using that title.

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