Q is for Questions

Ask any of my friends, I love questions! My brain is filled with them. I am curious about everything... what makes people tick, why do they do the things they do, what if there were a different way or different life or different experience? I am infinitely curious about human nature and what brought people to that point... all those little decisions that made them arrive at the place they are today. I'm also very curious about my own process and what led me to the point that I am. I consider myself to be pretty self-aware and unafraid to go deep in the self-examination. Therefore, the questions usually begin with "if" and sometimes it's "I wonder..."

I find that asking creative questions is a unique way of getting to know someone and often gives a better insight into the type of person they are.

Here are some of my favorites:

1. If there were a Fantasy Island (yes, I know I'm dating myself), what would your fantasy be?

2. If you could solve one universal mystery, what would you solve?

3. Would you rather travel into the deep ocean or deep space?

4. What one choice did you make that if you made the opposite choice would have completely changed everything about your life (excluding having children or getting married... that's too obvious)?

5. If you could choose any other career besides the one that you're doing now, what would you choose? And, if you're unhappy now, why aren't you doing it?

Next time you want to get to know someone, try one or more of these and see what responses you get. It's more fun then "what type of music do you listen to?"

The Wondering

This insecurity that has been triggered inside is exhausting. I drive by S's place (on the way to a destination and not in some scary stalker-ish way) and notice that his car isn't there. And I wonder... "Is he with J?" He gets a text and I think, "Is that from J?" He says, "I am alone now" and "I need time to work through some things." And I believe him. But I also find that I don't know how to give him that space. I try to be careful and honor boundaries; I really do. When you want someone, how to you curb the desire to spend all your moments with them?

I don't hear from him last thing before I go to sleep or first thing in the morning and I think, "Is he with J?"

And I miss him.

Too often he's stepped outside to take a phone call - I always assumed it was his sister - now... I wonder.

I was built to ponder and question, and ordinarily, that's a great thing. But now I question him, too. And it's the wondering that still hurts. The never-ending questions. The moments when the images are just a little too clear.

Can I trust him? Is he trustworthy? I want to believe him. I want to believe in him. And sometimes, the questions simply overwhelm me.