That Inner Critic

So I bought a new camera yesterday.

I've been on a quest recently to rediscover who I am and who I want to be in the future. Part of that quest has led me to photography. I've always loved to take photos but since the advent of the mobile phone, it's been too easy to just point and shoot, with little thought to what I'm taking a photo of. The result is that I have hundreds (literally) of mediocre photos that clog my drive space. Honestly, it has allowed me to be lazy. Recently I keep hearing a voice (not a literal voice) that is urging me to start taking photos again. For about 15 years I've longed for a really nice camera; one where I can add a different lens and play with filters and lighting. It took my breath away at the expense, but I did it. I bought a camera and that inspired me to get out and take photos.

 It's been difficult to take time for me lately. I've either not given myself permission or I've simply been too busy. This morning I stopped the madness. I put my puppies in their crate (I try not to do that on my days off) and went to my favorite local park. It has rained for the last number of days and I wanted to try to capture images of water on plants.


It was eye-opening how my inner critic immediately jumped to the forefront to remind me that I'm just an amateur, "no one will ever buy your stuff," "they can do the same thing themselves if they have a good camera." I was a bit shocked because while I wouldn't mind becoming good enough to have my photos hanging on people's walls, it wasn't really the focus. My inner critic was desperately attempting to get me to give up and stop before I'd even attempted. It was difficult, but I shut that know-it-all up. I told myself that it doesn't matter if anyone likes my photography because it's about representing what I see... what my vision is and figuring out how to bring it into still life. I told myself that the one area where I'm truly patient with my own process is when I'm trying to frame the "perfect" shot or capture an image just right. Because of those two things, I'm not going to stop. You, my fantastic reader, will be forced to view what I find out there to capture in image.

Once shut-up, here is what I was able to capture...

The following are untouched.

 Needless to say, I LOVE my new camera!! That inner critic be damned!

I is for Inspiration

I wonder what inspires you. I always find it fascinating to hear what brings another to a place of inspiration; what raises them out of themselves and takes them to a place of creativity, or focus, or however you define inspiration.

For me, I'm deeply inspired by words; especially when they are beautifully or cleverly combined to form a sentence that strikes awe in me, moves me or simply makes me go "huh."

For that reason, I love books! Books open my world and take me to places or into people that I would never meet in this lifetime. They're a study in human nature, our drives and motivations. Through them I sometimes see my own journey or the path I could've chosen but didn't. At times books help me work through what I'm dealing with at that particular time in my life, or teach me new methods of dealing with a future experience. I can almost always find something in a book that moves me or alters, even slightly, how I approach the world.

Quotes are another inspiration for me. I have them on magnets and posted all over my fridge. I've created a journal that is filled with quotes that make me think. When I moved across the country alone, I drove the entire way there with a quote propped up beneath my radio as a reminder that I can create my own destiny. During my darkest hours, I have studied them and been reminded that others have been here too, or had even darker moments and survived their journey, intact and sometimes even the better for it. They have been the words that I couldn't say or couldn't articulate.

Standing among trees is my connection to a higher power; it's my cathedral. Being surrounded by nature reminds me that there is something so much greater than myself and that I am the perfect puzzle piece that fits exactly where I need to be in the big picture. When I am feeling stressed or disconnected, I head for the mountains and the sound of my feet on packed earth grounds me once again.

Rocky Mountain National Park, Black Lake Trail - July 2011

Along those lines, photography triggers my sense of wonder. I wonder what those people were thinking in that moment, what they were doing. I wonder how the photographer felt as they gazed at that incredible site. What made them take that particular photo in that particular moment? As I mentioned in a previous blog, curiosity and creativity help me to release any depression that I might be feeling. It helps me to get unstuck be taking me beyond my small piece of the world... even if just for a moment. And sometimes... a moment is all I need.